A BLOG ABOUT PEOPLE, FOOD, WINE AND ARTS.

Los Placeres De Francia

2011-06-08T16:39:00.000-07:00

I just realised...

2011-06-08T16:07:00.000-07:00

I just notice that i am afraid to grow up, to move on, forward, there, aya, you see, ahead!
pienso,
envidiare las mujeres independientes cuando tenga que cambiar pañales?
tomare vino cuando se me antoje o tendre alguien recordandome de estructura y condicion?
fumare mota? entrare en mis lindo vestidos, podre usar tacos? se me correra la pintura con el calor por que traspirare mas ?
tendre miedo?

really??????? really
or i will be happy, beautifull, conquistadora del universo sin mas no poder, enamorada de verdad, tranquila, be myself, cooking amazing dinners, drinking divine wine, having loong interesting conversations, teaching, happy, loyal, on top, together, a swiming pool?

for sure plants, eso si for sure sure i see them there, I won't give up plants, or who i am, who it is what makes me, who is this, me, who adores you and will be fine, who likes to enjoy life to the max, to smile and to cry but more then ever prefers to laugh together or of eachothers.
who makes time for living and does what makes her happy, who respects and is honest.

as i turn in my bed, roll on and on and on, my heart goes bom bom bom, fast,
i think again why i'm afraid.

JUMP!

I AM

2011-04-12T13:46:00.001-07:00

absolutely blocked to write here today.
but i am dying to take it all out.

Long Distance

2011-02-18T22:08:00.000-08:00

Que tan long is a long distance, or que tan expensive to travel long distances is, or how long is the distance between here and there, where my uncle Pablo is, and how long is the distance between my apt and the empire state, how long is the distance of time, how distant is the time I loose the distance that there is between this and that?
Long distance call
Long distance dead
Long distance family
Long distance love
Long distance friend with tattoo
Long distance mama
Long distance grieving
Long distance boat ride
Long distance from the beginning to the end

fuck - dis- shit-ahora

My Dear Cabernet Sauvignon Reserva 2007 from Terranoble:

2010-10-20T15:37:00.001-07:00

You come in to my nose hitting me pretty hard with your red fruits, making me think there is a man in the room, but no is just your perfect smokiness and never enough of your chocolate aroma.
My lovely Cab once I let you in through my mouth you fill all my senses, leaving my palate with the roundness of earth, you taste so fresh yet you are a perfect 3 year old bottle, you leave me wanting more and more, no acidity what so ever, round, so round just how I like you...
Cab come back to my home and my glass, I will recommend you on a blink

if you need to find more info about this baby go to :
http://winebow.com/Wine/Vintage/Terranoble_Reserva_Cabernet_Sauvignon_2008.aspx

What a women carries when she travels.

2010-10-17T15:24:00.000-07:00

Seriously, this year is been 23 times on a plane,1 on train and various by car.

Commuting form city to town to country to state and to all the hotels involved.

Felling like when I used to watch a movie about life in NY, she traveled a lot and she had a fur coat and high heels.

Today I found myself some how like that, accumulating little hotel size bottles, makeup samples, compact tampons and tooth brushes, and just a bunch of other things that will make your stay away from home very simple and survival.

Some of my recent travels add a lot to my soul, some to my palate and to most to my brain.

Opening senses that I never stopped and thought how present they could be, making me feel much more in to it.

I usually divide my needs in 2 parts, one big, one small, in both I bring most of the necessaries and some other things that I can consider indispensable for the place I’m going.

I come to the conclusion that you can manage. You can find what you need where ever you go, but you must fell comfortable in a place far away from home.

Tell me what do you carry tell me what you see.

Mother Mary Goose

2010-08-26T07:13:00.000-07:00

Beautiful women, you walk in the woods with the grace of a gentle giant, looking to find things that will tell a story, looking under the logs or on top of a tree, you are peaceful and loving, you take care of all of us, your eyes are bright and look deep in to mine, you are tender and humble yet so strong, full of energy, you enjoy every second that passes through your life, the breeze of the ocean, the fog of the island, the sun, the good and the bad..

You find a use for everything.
And you bake like if baking will take something away…

Cabrales Cheese, I am happy to meet you

2010-08-21T06:25:00.000-07:00

From all the very blue, smelly, scary looking cheeses I’ve so far had a taste, this Cabrales gets the medal of my favs’, as soon as it entered my mouth it revealed itself leaving an impressive stamp on to my palate, tongue rolling, thick as peanut butter and its peppery hit at the end mmmmmmmmm, if you eat a big piece it sticks to your palate leaving a sandy feeling that just melts with your tong. This cheese will go really perfect with something sweet next to it, a slice of guava something…
Pricilla says “The final notes of this cheese is picant” I love the way she talks about food, she is an expert.

This cheese made me roll my eyes and ask for more, little tiny bits makes it for me, but you can certainly have big pieces of it and indulge.

Learn more about this cheese: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cabrales_cheese

Arriving in Maine

2010-08-20T19:22:00.001-07:00

The whole thing of going to Maine is to learn cooking, and the other part of the time I just want to brown in the sun, I think is fair and please don’t blame me for it, and don’t blame me either for eating like a real cerdo, the chef, Daisy Martinez, is just spectacular and the students are really smart.

The first day we had tamales, one of my favorite dishes, first time you make them you feel totally intimidated but then you are off and can’t stop it, I use is as therapy, I call it Tamale therapy, and I recommend it to all out there with trouble hearts and trouble lives, this recipe really takes you off to space and makes you forget a little bit of how selfish the world is, you can never do tamale for two, this recipe is for the whole entire block, your enemy’s will become your friends…..

The Tamales had a company of Cuban dish “Ropa Vieja”(shredded beef) and wrinkled potatoes mmmmm so delicious also we did a Ancho chile mojo that we end up eating it with just everything, and I mean everything…..
That night we went to lentil soup and light salad road, I really appreciate it after feeling like a whale for the 5 tamales that I had, we moved on to the fire on the rocks and cook some Navegado wine, (red wine, cloves, cinnamon stick, sugar and orange rounds) on a pot direct to the fire!
If I can count the times we saw falling stars !!!! I was just happy to feel the whole connectivity among us.

Is 11 and I can’t keep my eyes open
Good nite and stay tuned.

2010-07-01T19:29:00.000-07:00

at one point today i was really not realizing what was really going on, i felt like been totally out of touch from all and coming back after long.
i question the thoughts i was having, the anger i was containing, the fear, the confidence in me, the doubts of the, time, the city, the passing train, the station with us, the commute, the honor, the love and the friendship, i experiment some dead and lost, i've had lost, no answers, some other times, summer my favorite, smile.

I JUST WANT SOME LOVE

2010-06-15T11:18:00.001-07:00

Today

2010-05-18T07:53:00.000-07:00

this are the kind of days that i feel a little sad,
days like this, when i get so close to him, when i'm just around the corner from him, from his face.
plus is the rain, and the little cold i'm trying to fight, and the loneliness of the city that sometimes hits me, and my french classes that are not so good, and the end of somethings and the beginning of another, and my room that is so messy, and my undone bed for the past 2 days.
but is just a day, and i know is going away tomorrow, with the fever and all.
tomorrow: change the sheets, wear a nice dress,don't go to wall street and get over today.

i knew it was coming

2010-05-12T04:48:00.000-07:00

i just knew the storm was coming, esta manana al despertar no fue una gran sorpresa encontrarme con un dia gris, frio y lluvioso,
i knew it was coming.
i knew it as i know many other things when they approach.
that felling you get in the stomach, tomorrow sera un dia lluvioso...
i can predict better that the meteorologist this days.

2010-05-09T23:47:00.000-07:00

I can't sleep, is almost 3 am and i cant sleep,
i have time in my hands and all my avoided thoughts are here in my bed with me right now, they all came unadvised and they are not welcomed either.
"this is non of your business"-she said- but he didn't leave the room he was going to interrogate more as usual.
leave me alone, let me go to sleep, you are so stupid you might take this completely textually as i write it. so sad to think you never knew me.
this will put me to sleep, to let it all out, here i go.
good nite

2010-05-03T11:27:00.001-07:00

This morning the clock made its usual morning sound, the sound that makes me feel like I'm not all alone, I still have the clock that wakes me up every morning!
I laugh at myself constantly, sometimes one can be so silly at least me.
I look around to see whats left form the weekend, I have this felling that I just woke up from that nap I took on friday. A weekend full of what you always wanted to have, or at least what I wanted or maybe just what I think I want.
stop thinking
keep writing
the family is gone, the roommates are gone, the fear is gone, the pain is healing.
a new thing coming all together for me and what is around me, my plants are growing, my cat is fat, I feel taller again on top of the hill with the city on my feet.
thank you thank you thank you
let's celebrate again soon.

My little golden cage on top of the hill

2010-02-09T09:21:00.000-08:00

Walking down the streets, feeling the cold on my face, thinking about things I can't avoid thinking,
remembering the dreams I had this week, red waters, ghost, cars, my family and Ainsley all gowned up, clutter, beach, John, fancy clothes... and then, I get back to the cold in my face, the book I'm reading inspired me to go back to write on my blog, but is hard, for all the things I want to write about.
Lately NY is been hitting me so hard, I've cry for this reason, but not so many times, just a couple when I can't contain myself. The thought of leaving it's been in my head for a while now, is something that I can only think about and do nothing really, not jet.
I been feeling the solitude of the city, I commute, I eat and I sleep alone, 3 of the things I do the most.
When I get home I got nobody to talk to, or more likely, I got nobody I want to talk with, I'm becoming more and more like a hermit on my little golden cage on the top of the hill, looking down for the dragons that can't trespass me anymore and take what I have left.

Carolina at the Mayo Sandoval Projects opening "A Million and One Thanks"

2010-02-08T18:46:00.001-08:00

Carolina at the Mayo Sandoval Projects opening "A Million and One Thanks"
Originally uploaded by Stephen Sandoval

Una mañana tormentosa

2009-06-09T19:53:00.001-07:00

Una mañana tormentosa
Originally uploaded by carolinastar

A veces Washington heights te da unas sorpresas, la ventana de mi casa sobre todo, casi a punto de salir el sol esta manana me siento cerca de la ventana, siento la brisa en mi, y todo se vuelve negro asi pero holocaustico, siempre pasa por la noche como aquella tormenta, pero esto fue de mañana y no pude resistir sacar una foto, es mas, busque el video pero no encontre el cable.
son algunas de las cosas que me da esta vida en la punta del cerro desde la sima de un Washington Heights que es mio.

2009-05-26T10:10:00.000-07:00

This is Kurt and Kurt's Stairs. My friend Daniel came to visit me and he got back home with some old Brazilian records plus a whole unexpected Kurt's Thomes experience.
Kurt was in his library downstairs that is usually open to the public but he also give us a small tour on the private side of his house, not only this stairs you see but a wall full of records, another one with some of his personal book collection, he played some records and told us amassing stories.
It was so amassing, totally unexpected totally magical, totally super awesome.
He owns a book store on the first floor of his home, all about African American History, very interesting, WORD is the name of it and is located on 160th street between Sn. Nicholas and Edgceombe across from Jumel mansion and is open by appointment or simply drop by and ring the bell.

In the Heights se toma bien (or at least in my house when you are my guest)

2009-05-20T09:22:00.001-07:00

2009-05-20T06:09:00.000-07:00

Ok so from now on this blog is going to change, no more of that depressing carola show my felling kinda think, even if you like reading about how i felt that day, there is no more of that crap, sorry, from now on this blog will be to promote my hood in the best way possible and some times a little idea of tours in the hood that i have.

pass the word.

I <3 WH

I want to get out of my body

2009-03-27T08:52:00.000-07:00

i'm still picking up pieces....

2009-02-28T09:01:00.001-08:00

Death knocked on my door again.

2009-02-23T09:28:00.000-08:00

so the death knocked in my door again, and this time with nice smells, new look and all happy to see me, so different so sweet so tempting and dangerous.
i knew it was death, i knew him as soon as i heard him knocking, but this time i though nah! he's not gonna get me he's not as strong as i am, so I'm gonna play his game this time and he will not take me again.
i did it, i play, we play and when he smiled and told me how beautiful i was i knew i had to stop soon, other wise it will be to late and i will realize it in hell.

and it went for enough time that i almost forgot i was with death, he look handsome and smell good, and at one point i forgot all about it , all about the danger of been dead alive in the city, i forgot of the life i had before, about the friends i love, about the food i like to eat and the long walks i like to do, i forgot about the happiness and the entire world around me, and i fade in... and out.. and in... and out.
and today I'm piking up all the pieces he left broken all over my home, the windows , the glasses, the everything, home looks like a home in war, he came in and left it all in pieces, jut because i was strong enough to refuse to go back with him to hell, he want it to take me but i was strong not to go, although I'm very weak and i feel very tired and confuse but i said no, he was sad, he cried and cried and he said "i will be back"
and i hope when he does I'm much more strong than today, because for once second i really though i was going to hell with him again.

2009-01-22T08:57:00.000-08:00

i don't have the strength to write my own words....

2009-01-21T09:11:00.001-08:00

Life is very short, and there's no time
For fussing and fighting, my friend.
I have always thought that it's a crime,
So I will ask you once again.........

2009-01-16T12:35:00.000-08:00

Trouble
Oh trouble set me free
I have seen your face
And its too much too much for me

Trouble
Oh trouble cant you see
Youre eating my heart away
And theres nothing much left of me

Ive drunk your wine
You have made your world mine
So wont you be fair
So wont you be fair

I dont want no more of you
So wont you be kind to me
Just let me go where
Ill have to go there

Trouble
Oh trouble move away
I have seen your face
And its too much for me today

Trouble
Oh trouble cant you see
You have made me a wreck
Now wont you leave me in my misery

Ive seen your eyes
And I can see deaths disguise
Hangin on me
Hangin on me

Im beat, Im torn
Shattered and tossed and worn
Too shocking to see
Too shocking to see

Trouble
Oh trouble move from me
I have paid my debt
Now wont you leave me in my misery

Trouble
Oh trouble please be kind
I dont want no fight
And I havent got a lot of time

CS.

SHE LOVES WHEN OTHER PEOPLE ADD NEW PICTURES OR BLOGS, SHE ALSO LIKES THE COMMENTS PEOPLE MAKES. SHE IS SIMPLE PERSON.

2008-10-01T20:00:00.001-07:00

2008-10-01T13:50:00.000-07:00

I kinda want to write more in this blog, use it for something if i have it,
not so much to tell about my life but about other people's life,
she gets questioned at all the times, why you post again after so long, why you didn't say hi or bye, why you use that and not this, why why why
and she thinks she's not gonna respond, there isn't really an answer for any of that, she is just gonna continue walking the way she was like no one ask her a question.

2008-09-30T19:43:00.000-07:00

2008-09-29T18:59:00.001-07:00

mis niñas bonitas!!

2008-09-29T18:57:00.001-07:00

chilito mi chilito....

2008-09-29T18:45:00.000-07:00

i saw this and find it so lovely.. my camera is not giving me so beautiful results, im kinda disappointed about that, i guess i have to keep waiting for the upgrade.
im gona put more pictures here..
sintiendome como un poco nostalgica tambien, recordando lo antiguo.. en fin, en fin.
cantando una cancion y luego pensando porque esa y no la otra.
quiero colgarme de abajo para arriba y meditar por varias horas.. ya pronto.

2008-07-24T20:10:00.000-07:00

yep
cual es mi historia? al final es la misma historia que la tuya, la tuya, la misma que la de el o ella, al final es lo mismo, ninguna es una sola mas que la tuya mia y de el o ella, o de ellos
y que se yo, tambien como si quisieras la historia de los demas que es la misma que la tuya o la de tu roomate, que por alguna razon de seguro algo tiene que ver con la de ella o el.. etc...

Trainspotting

2008-07-21T10:14:00.000-07:00

Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourself.

Choose your future.

Choose life.

John Hodge

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2008-07-07T13:31:00.000-07:00

I've been out walking
I don't do too much talking
These days, these days.
These days I seem to think a lot
About the things that I forgot to do
And all the times I had the chance to.

I've stopped my rambling,
I don't do too much gambling
These days, these days.
These days I seem to think about
How all the changes came about my ways
And I wonder if I'll see another
I may.

I had a lover,
I don't think I'll risk another
These days, these days.
And if I seem to be afraid
To live the life that I have made in song
It's just that I've been losing so long.

I've stopped my dreaming,
I won't do too much scheming
These days, these days.
These days I sit on corner stones
And count the time in quarter tones to ten.
Please don't confront me with my failures,
I had not forgotten them.

Nico.

2008-05-28T14:08:00.001-07:00

Mientras leia un post anterior viejo, recorde my sueño de anoche que entre otros, me metia en el mar a nadar y reventaban olas enormes, inmensas, pero yo me metia bajo el agua y no pasaba nada, dormia y vivia en el mar, dormia y soñaba despierta, tal ves por eso me desperte toda mojada esta mañana...

2008-05-21T13:35:00.000-07:00

en momentos de moving forward
las cosas se presentan delante mio como una carta botada en la calle una reina de corazones, o un bombardeo de estrellas fugaces que bajan por mi espalda, suben, rebolotean, se esparcen, se quedan, 5 se quedan, pero siento que volveran a caer sobre mi muchas mas.

me levanto con un viento fresco en la espalda, me da dolor de cuello, un dolor que llevo por dias y me recuerda cada momento de la noche anterior, cada momento de la noche anterior, escalofrios, vasos en el piso, ropa debajo de la cama.
algo queda, el dolor, las estrellas, recuerdos, confianza, calor, palabras, una cancion, un viaje largo a casa, una sonrisa y risas, esperanza...

2008-05-15T09:40:00.000-07:00

Invicible, Implacable, Irreconocible, Incondicional, Inigual,
Invencible, Increible, Inimaginable, Intangible, Inaceptable?, Irresistible....Ilegal, Ideal, mmmmmmmm Inolvidable....

2008-05-15T09:21:00.001-07:00

liberandome...

2008-04-23T10:19:00.000-07:00

if i know, you are reading this blog then i write in my bad english.

thing are going well i feel less bloated,
the pollen doesn't let me sleep very well and i keep dreaming about this ghetto gangs chasing my golden snikers, i am afraid of wearing them jet.

the cat is still fat, she makes me sniff with the whiskers on my face wile i sleep, she hates when i sniff, she runs away and does that funny movement with the mouth, she smells like a person sometimes.

Elisa is obses with the carrot juice every morning wish makes me really happy and healthy, she now is talking about a blender that will make wonderful delights over the summer, i'm happy she is here, i don't like to be alone, so what?

did you knew i write?, if you were able to read me in Spanish talvez things wont be so difficult. talvez you will understand much better, because i get you, i get your point.
this is not a letter for you this is more like a letter for you to tell him about.
or don't tell him anything, he might not understand. keep it for yourself.

2008-04-05T12:57:00.000-07:00

los up and downs son normales me dijo alguien que me conosia, asi como cambio de lugar muchas cosas a cada rato,
o como me corto el pelo para luego dejarmelo largo.

i've reached el punto flojo, ese que se siente blando cuando lo pisas, como si fuera una mina que va a explotar, suavemente poco a poco estoy moviendome de ahy, creo que no gatilla ni tampoco me voy a undir, e buscado refujio en los que tienen brazos extendidos y bocas grandes que no paran de hablar, me escuchan yo escucho, es un constante trade, men, new york needs some ears and some hugs,
poco a poco, con ayuda de otros tambien se puede, ahora lo entiendo.
me pinto las uñas, me retecorte el pelo, me visto de negro con pantalones ajustados, invito a un viejo amigo a pasar una tarde agradable en este imperio del sol Zen.
Todo va bien poco a poco.

Soul something

2008-04-05T12:51:00.000-07:00

Soulmate - is a term sometimes used to designate someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, friendship, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality and/or compatibility. A related concept is that of the twin flame or twin soul – which is thought to be the ultimate soulmate, the one and only other half of one's soul, for which all souls are driven to find and join. However, not everyone who uses these terms intends them to carry such mystical connotations.

Soul lovers – someone you love, and would do anything for, and someone who loves you, and would do anything for you. And in that love, nothing is required for either person, because everything is already given. You love them more than anything in the world and could not live without them.

Karmic soulmate – someone who has a special mission or influence on one's life
Scientific soulmate – (If) a relationship can be quantified, and scored according to an internal happiness scale. A scientific soulmate is the person with whom you are the absolute happiest. You would therefore be less happy with any other person in existence.

merry merry

2007-12-27T21:06:00.000-08:00

2007-11-06T08:00:00.000-08:00

feeling sad?
yes I'm like a pedaso de papel arrugado this days

i remember all those boys that use to go to rehab and
will twist themselves in the bed trying hard to fight,
wile the drugs are doing their job making you feel
like you need more right there where you just roll in
the bed cry for help but don't wanna see anyone,
scream but want to be calm,
twist and roll and really you just wanna sleep and
be out of all this fucking dependency.
i put myself in this situation where i really need to commute to go to a warm place, and is far for me, feels like a have to walk miles to get there, but is what i think the right think to do right now and it is kind of keeping me awake and alive.
i notice also that i don't like leaving alone, i actually hate to leave alone, giving away my community leaving really mess up something inside me, having no one to talk or at lease to hear breathing around when you get back home really sucks. My cat doesn't do it she is beautiful and loves me but she unfortunately can't enjoy my food.
yes i feel sad depress triste llorona gorda irresponsable mentirosa y culpable

i guess if i go back on this blog i can see that is just one more of those up and downs.

2007-11-01T10:37:00.000-07:00

estoy en un estado de multiplicacion incontrolable.
me siento tan chiquita ultimamente que quisiera estar rodeada de mi.
si es un poco selfish pero a veces siento que estoy perdiendo un poco el amor propio.
y de alguna manera quisiera representarlo en mi trabajo. de esta manera tambien me concentro en una cosa y dejo de pensar en otras.

2007-10-23T13:39:00.000-07:00

desde hace mucho que no escribo
no se, no me salen las palabras, ni las fotos tampoco
mas suspiro como loca, como si me hiciera falta el aire o el espacio,
aunque de espacios ya ni se a que se refiere uno con eso
un espacio aqui un espacio aya, que no tengo espacio que dame mas espacio.
he pasado bastante tiempo en su espacio, hasta que me lo pidio de vuelta, se lo di un poquito y termino todo en trajedia.
seguimos aqui debatiendo sobre eso, a veces ya nos reimos, pero no se hasta cuando.
tengo donde ir, y aun asi me quedo dandole vueltas donde mismo.

2007-10-15T13:23:00.000-07:00

muchas cosas modificadas en mi mundo no dejan que me vea mucho por fuera.
pero todo bien todo andando poco a poco, tranquilo, satisfecha, con un medio mundo nuevo que me trae escondida de vez en cuando, que solo me hace salir cuando es necesario.

2007-10-15T11:52:00.000-07:00

2007-08-29T08:36:00.001-07:00

I AM LEAVING...

2007-08-10T22:53:00.000-07:00

me curo cada noche de pensamientos y estrellas.
me duermo y miro al cielo y veo como cada star sige en su lugar.
ninguna se movio, ninguna perdio su spot. por que yo tengo que
siempre estar buscando un mejor lugar?
a mi me gusta donde estoy me gusta con quien ando, con quien hablo con quien comparto, en la madrugada o al atardecer. no tengo problemas de verdad, tu si quieres los tendras pero yo no, yo me siento bien al fin y al cabo, es decir, quiero salvar el mundo cuido la tierra. no me vengas con huevadas de que estoy loca si el loco eres tu y nada mas perturvas mi felicidad, no me molestes mas, ya dejame en paz, que bueno que no hables ingles, te felicito. ni un esfuerzo haces.

2007-08-09T08:28:00.000-07:00

el silencio de esta manana me dan ganas de hacer cosas nuevas y empesar todo denuevo desde el principio.

2007-08-06T08:45:00.001-07:00

leia tu blog y me dieron ganas, por fin, de escribir en el mio, no se si no tener internet en casa es una buena escusa pues ya no quiero ni pensar que la falta de tiempo me trae sin escribir nada en este blog, falta de tiempo para todo hasta para pensar.. ese es mi problema no pienso, de inmediato hago solamente, luego unas veces me arrepiento, si me arrepiento de no pensar y actuar a ojos cerrados.
por eso no sabria que hacer con una grabadora mas que recordar muchas estupideces que dije sin pensar.
hoy me siento un poco blue, el dia tal vez y la coca de seguro.
me porto mal, siempre me arrepiento... manana me voy eso me pone contenta aunque no estoy pensando que me va ayudar mas que a relajar y voy a descansar. me toca llorar a mi ahora, quiero llorar.

today is an ugly day

2007-07-23T09:23:00.000-07:00

hoy me levanto y veo como la lluvia cae tan pretenciosa, como si nada la pudiera parar y asi es, asi es.
me levanto con un poco de gusto amargo, corro a la ducha tratando de escapar. pasan los minutos y nada me detiene solo un cafe echo en maquina profecional.
sigo con sabor amargo.
algunas cosas no las entiendo, otras no tienen explicacion, hoy en dia asi es mi vida, sin poder explicar por que ni entender como.
i'm happy but i'm tired, very tired.

2007-07-09T07:45:00.000-07:00

en la entrada de la soon to be my ex casa.

2007-06-07T10:37:00.000-07:00

i have a broken finger feet, a lost and found wallet, a canceled wedding, a stomach pain, no matter what i'm still going to make it to mex.
bye bye

2007-05-31T05:08:00.000-07:00

there is no more good mornings and good nights.

are we all talking about HOY? what about tomorrow?

2007-05-22T21:18:00.001-07:00

from the north pole

2007-05-15T21:04:00.000-07:00

se cayeron los copos de nieve sobre la nariz roja de la muchacha de seda, se derritieron y suavemente mojaron sus mejillas. no abrio los ojos, si no mas bien se mantuvo de cara al cielo con su gorro de pelos blancos y su pelo negro por debajo.
quiero ser blanco, quiero ser negro, quiero lo que no tengo ahora ya en este mismo momento.i claim.i sing to the wind.

polar bear.

from the desperate woods of nowhereland

2007-05-15T08:57:00.000-07:00

2007-05-11T19:32:00.000-07:00

2007-05-07T06:07:00.000-07:00

llegamos tarde y nos recibe un abraso de esos que necesitas durante toda la semana.
me relajo manana no ahy que despertar temprano.
dia sigiente micheladas todo el dia en la escalera.fun.
la noche a celebrar adelantado. dormimos waisted in bed. no se como lograstes levantarte.despierto cuando regresa.seguimos durmiendo. salimos a cenar mas tarde. y volvemos a caer. domingo caminando riendo flipando levitando abrazados fumando viniendo llegando recordando riendo otra vez.
cada vez es mas dificil.te extraño.

2007-04-18T19:31:00.000-07:00

a veces quisiera desaparecer, dejarme ir y no volver a ser.
mirarme en el espejo y no ver.
quisiera ser una fotografia para siempre.

vida privada

2007-04-17T19:20:00.000-07:00

vida publica

2007-04-11T11:13:00.000-07:00

cada ves me atrevo a preguntar mas cosas,
que de donde vienes, a donde vas, etc.
no se si sea una buena idea, pues cada ves se sabe mas..
y yo no se si quiero saber mas y mas, aunque la curiosidad siempre esta en mi, es algo que llevo por default dentro de mi.

saber mas y mas no es solo algo que me pasa a mi
tambien se nota en las personas que tienen un myspace por ejemplo,
cual es el motivo verdadero de eso??
le comentaba que en texas yo lo entendia por que la gente no tiene nada mas que hacer, o en kansas o kentuky talves, pero en new york por que?
es como una epidemia, una epidemia re loca e incurable, esa mania por ver quien le postio que a quien y quien es el primero en la lista, me enferma, pero tambien se me pasa por la mente, y tambien sin querer se contagia.
por eso igual yo no tengo mas que un blog y un flickr por que no es mas que para mi sin necesidad de los demas, si no lo leen me da igual, a eso me refiero.

Hunging out with myself

2007-04-06T17:34:00.000-07:00

2007-03-29T11:31:00.000-07:00

Extraño a mi hermana, Extraño a mi mama, Extraño a mi papa, Extraño el pan amasado de la esquina, Extraño el metro limpio, Extraño las tarde hippies, Extraño el barrio bellavista, Extraño la playa, Extraño mis tios y mis primos, Extraño mis sobrinos, Extraño los asados y el vino, Extraño los bailes, Extraño las vacas del tio alvarito, Extraño los tragos con el tio juan, Extraño robarle mota a juan eduardo, Extraño las micros llenas y la gente golgando de ellas, Extraño caminar por providencia, Extraño el olor, los colores, las sonrisas, los sabores.
Extraño tantas cosas que podria llenar las paredes de un museo con palabras y objetos, que representen mi nostalgia y la esperanza de algun dia volver a verlos a todos y poder volver a bailar hasta el amanecer y tomarnos la ultmima gota de vino.

lluvias

2007-03-25T14:31:00.000-07:00

se pone a nevar y las botas las deje en casa.
decido no salir y quedarme echa bolitas esperando que deje de nevar.
luego comienza a caer la lluvia y deja todo echo charcos mojados empapadores de ropa y de zapatos. sigo echa bolitas esperando que deje de llover y cuando la lluvia ya no cae las calles estan inundadas y decido que es mejor quedarme.
afuera esta cubrieto de agua y los meteoros empiezan a caer en el jardin.
uno deja un hueco gigante donde estaban los tomates, me quedo sin tomates pero este meteoro se ve muy bien y fuerte. decido dejarlo para asi poder subir a el cuando quiero tomar sol o cuando quiero mirar al horizonte.
se ve muy bien en mi jardin, a pesar del hueco tan grande.
ya no llueve ni cae nieve, igual asi sigo echa bolitas esperando que caigan mas meteoros.

Esperandote

2007-03-19T10:48:00.000-07:00

2007-03-13T18:20:00.000-07:00

2007-03-13T18:18:00.000-07:00

2007-03-05T08:52:00.000-08:00

me la paso hacieno cosas ultimamnete que siempre quise hacer, tomandome tiempos largos pegada al techo sin pensar hasta que la habitacion se comienza a dar vueltas y me siento en un barco, como en el mar.
me hace falta el mar el agua con sal.
penelope cada vez que vuelvo a casa llora y llora y pide atencion. algo nuevo.
en tres meses mas las cosas cambiaran drasticamente, en esos 3 meses devemos preparar la cancha de aterrisaje, hacer el plan de emergencia por si ahy que esconderse bajo las mesas o quedarce bajo el marco de una puerta como para los terremotos.
me parece entretenido, me parece que va a funcionar.at lease i'm positive about it.

respecto a ti, no se que decir, pasara lo que tiene que pasar, no se si en 3 meses o en uno, me cuesta ser positiva al respecto, por que es que todavia veo borroso si es de distancia y de cerca no he intentado aun, no me puedo acercar.

he vuelto a emborracharme y a no llegar a casa si no hasta el otro dia a medio dia, con el pelo echo un rasta gigante, y el maquillaje corrido, extraño esos tiempos, borracheras, cages de risa, y lo mas bacan: desayunos a la orilla de la ventana con el viento entrando por mi ventana, el sol y los platos limpios.

me bajo del barco y no dejo de pensar pero ahora actuo mas, mucho mas.

GO THERE

2007-02-22T13:57:00.000-08:00

Space Walk

2007-01-31T06:35:00.000-08:00

justo mientras me peinaba leia, deje la peineta de lado y comense a llorar. Sentia como las lagrimas rodaban por mis mejillas coloradas por el calor.
lloraba por que me sentia como una niña de 5 años que se abia caido y no econtraba a su madre, lloraba y sigo llorando por que no supe en que direccion salir corriendo, por que me siento like hunging from an tree looking at everyone pass by infront of me, por que asi de repente no tengo donde ir a esconderme, donde me den alimento y no me pregunten cosas, donde se vean la olas romper y nada mas me siento a mirar el mar.
no, en cambio, me tengo que quedar aqui, seguir trabajando, seguir lavando ropa, seguir creciendo y seguir levantandome de las caidas con una sonrisa en la boca y otra en la mano, seguir viviendo esta vida loca.llena de sorpresas. llena de caidas. llena de amores. llena de olvidos. llena de coca cola y pastelitos.

Check out my Slide Show!

2007-01-30T19:56:00.000-08:00

2007-01-25T05:34:00.000-08:00

ya llevo varios dias de disiplina, me lo propuse antes de visitar texas, todo es mucha cantidad y se me devolvia el estomago muy amenudo.
volvi encantada de vivir en niu york, de poder caminar y tomar el subway a la hora que sea, de poder ir donde quiera sin limitaciones de gasolina. uno valora las cosas cuando las ve de lejos.
ya llevo 2 semanas de disiplina.estoy comiendo mas rico a pesar de no tener gas para cosinar, solo ensaladas y un poco de cooking de vez en cuando. esa sopa quiero hacer, sopa de porotos para el invierno.
con la disiplina a venido la calma mental, los sentimientos no tan alborotados como aquella noche en la que me sente en mi cama pasandome peliculas de miedo sola mientras los demas se divertian, como cuando te llamaba borracha para que abrieras la puerta, como cuando salgo corriendo sin decir nada, como cuando sali persigiendo a esos gangs con piro en L.I.C. y choque otro carro, como cuando le quise pegar a la sexipeel, como cuando no me di cuenta y amaneci en el baño de un bar jalando a toda maquina, como miles de veces que se me sale la loca crazy que ahy dentro de mi y que solo yo y nada mas que yo puedo controlar.con mas disiplina y menos pelicula.
mas disiplina por que se acaba el bronx, y hasta quizas es por que el lunes 29 voy a ser mas grande y quiero hacer algunas cosa de diferente manera. un poco mas fun.

i think i have some side effects

2007-01-10T11:17:00.000-08:00

Side effect can mean:

* Adverse drug reaction, an unintended consequence specifically arising from drug therapy
* Therapeutic effect, a desirable consequence of any kind of medical treatment, even though resulting as an unintended, unexpected consequence of the treatment
* Adverse effect (medicine), an unintended, and undesirable, consequence of any kind of medical treatment
* Unintended consequence, an effect that is unforseen, regardless of type or quality
* Side effect (computer science), a state change caused by a function call

2007-01-08T11:09:00.000-08:00

este findesemana me paso algo muy chistoso
bueno, tragico para algunos mas chistoso desde mi conciencia,

hace unos meses conoci a un hombre de que estaba de visita en new york
desde washington, muy atractivo, inteligente y entrador, quede volando
por las estrellas y me duro bastantes dias, no meses no semanas, solo
dias, puesto a que el cabron estaba casado y eso lo supe por su mujer
quien con un par de text messages un par de emails y me bajo del
espacio y volvi de inmediato a tierra.. pasaron las semanas y los
meses y nunca mas hablamos si no alguna vanalidad en el chat que no se
relacionaba mas que a un ipod o alguna cosa del diario vivir. NADA
MAS.
el viernes recibo una llamada, un numero desconocido :
-hello, is this carolina?
-yes, who is this?
-this is sally....
-oh! (o thought sally from work) hey sally!
-have you seeing hunt?
-who?
-hunt..
-who?
-hunt, hunter...
-what? mmm no.. (then i knew it wasn't from work, it was from Washington)
-well i don't believe you, i know you are seeing each other and you know
what? i wish you are happy..
-eeee look you are very wrong, i haven't talk to him in a long time, i
think you should speak with him and not call me again i have nothing
to do with this, i'm sorry..
-well just so you know if he is seeing you he is going to do the same
to you i hope you are happy.
-look i have no reason to lie to you at all, i don't know you so there
is no way i will lie to you, he is the mother fucker who is lying to
you plus he lie to me, he didn't say he was married..so
-what?? he told me you knew he was married..
-see? well he lied to you again he never told me and when he did i
never talk to him again..he is lying to you, don't be stupid.
-yes i know that is why im leaving him..
-you writ anonymously in his blog and you write about him in yours....
-why do you call me if you are not going to believe me? why you ask me
things if you think you have the answer don't call me again, he is a
liar not me.
-ok then bye.
-good luck...

luego me encuentro con el en el chat y pues nada ella se paso el rollo de que yo escribo sobre el en mi blog y la verdad yes i did it long time ago, now i'm in a different mode, i have to get over things at one point in life right? well i'm way over him dude just memories of a nice time.
now if you read my post i hope you realize that i'm not a liar as you think but he is and i don't like liars, es mas I HATE LIARS, and don't call me again.

2007-01-02T10:28:00.000-08:00

i'm speechless today, and i have being like this for the last week, i don't have much to say or must be that there are so many thing i like to tell and i don't know where or how to start
i decide that i have not kill anybody so i have to stop feeling this thing of guiltiness that i carry on for so long
i want to be in love again and feel free about that.

navidad con carla

2006-12-24T20:26:00.000-08:00

2006-12-24T07:28:00.000-08:00

en massachusett esta todo perfecto, todo en su lugar.
asi como la cama se siente como una nube de algodon y el cafe sabe rico, asi como los rayos del sol caen en su preciso lugar.

hemos compartido lindo con la carla ella es una buena amiga que quiero bastante.

hemos desmenusados los miedos como pelando un platano, y todavia falta mas.

estarias feliz por aca pero ya vamos a venir otra vez, muchas mas.

2006-12-12T11:10:00.000-08:00

this will be a better life
that's what he said...

2006-12-10T11:49:00.000-08:00

esta mañana el sol entro por la ventana.
saludando todo el dia con una sonrisa eterna.
cagados de la risa por todo y nada.
deje que me pegaran sus rayos por largo rato
tanto asi que al cerrar los ojos veia miles de estrellas en los parpados.
se me confundian los colores.
se lleno de mariposas el lugar.
se fue el sol pero esta todo normal.

2006-12-07T14:37:00.000-08:00

desde el mas aya me levanto a pronunciar palabras que se me pasan por la mente.
con algunos finales infelices o comienzos muy encantadores, sigo aqui viva y disfrutando de las maravillas que tiene esta ciudad.
los dias supuestamente frios que estan tibios, los viajes en una van con musicos en camino al exito (un placer conducirlos aunque sea un pequeño trayecto), el viaje inesperado al peru con la gran nata, el exito en my vida de freelance, las borracheras con los amigos, si los amigos, una vez mas llenan mis alegrias y mis ganas de pasar mas tiempo en ellos, pues hacen mi vida. me llenan de historias y de compañias.
y my nuevo look que al parecer ya todos se acostumbraron, menos yo.

2006-12-02T10:33:00.000-08:00

es triste ver como terminan las cosas,
pero tambien es bacan como llegan las nuevas.

2006-11-15T19:37:00.000-08:00

ah!
hoy siento ganas locas de que alguien me haga llorar y que esa sea my escusa para brotar lagrimas sin razon.
hoy quiero llorar y no se por que, siento como miedo y rabia.
igual se que si me pongo a pensar y a profundisar le podria dar una razon, pero me conformo mas con creer que es de puro local que me quiero tirar al piso a dar pataletas como la chilindrina.

2006-11-14T19:27:00.000-08:00

2006-11-10T09:55:00.000-08:00

Lately i being felling very strange
with no time to sit down and think about all what is going on
sleeping very little, eating very small, no time for home or for computer stuff.
i guess is a period of my life where i'm supposed to live like this, i was told the other day what a newyorker i have become... i didn't really love it since i have always being afraid of that, new yorkers have no time for feelings or for just stopping on a second and look around, i still do that but i have always somewhere else to go after so i have to hurry up, i hate that felling but at the same time i think that is what it is.
i just don't want to leave my roots behind
i don't want to be a stranger to the ones i love
and i want always to be able to dance, even if is in the middle of chaos.

2006-11-05T19:22:00.000-08:00

me la llevo en el subway estos dias

2006-10-21T20:40:00.000-07:00

se hizo de noche y note que la puerta estaba abierta
sali y estire mis piernas, mis brazos, bostese enormemente, como levantandome de un sueño muy largo.
no lo encontre por ninguna parte, nunca mas volvio, pero yo espere por años.
converti la jaula en mi hogar con la puerta siempre abierta, por si algun dia decidia volver a venir. construi una cama con colchon de hojas.
el niño grande de las ropas negras con un poco de rojo.
me quede en el bosque por siempre, sin ruido ni gente alrededor.
me quede tranquila pero un poco triste y de vez en cuando con nostalgia de la ciudad.
siento que es aqui donde siempre quiero estar. en este kind of forest state of mind.

2006-10-17T16:55:00.000-07:00

me revolque por el pasto, cuando abri los ojos me di cuenta que me habia encancelado dentro una jaula. una muy grande. sentia el cuerpo adolorido por los golpes de la caida.
me senti completamente pequena me dio miedo aunque era una hermoso lugar. pero no podia salir.
sentia una espera eterna, la puerta no se podia abrir, llore suficiente como para volver a dormir y sonie.
senti pasos a mi lado, el viento volaba las hojas de alrededor, entraba frio por todas partes. alguien cantaba lejos, no abri los ojos, solo guarde silencio y pense que podria mirarlo pronto y decirle como me sentia, que queria salir y conocerlo, queria poder abrazarlo y bailar tambien.
de espaldas se acerco a la jaula, me recito poesia, me hablo en terminos que yo no entendia muy bien, me dijo que se podia pero que no al mismo tiempo, nunca menciono por que me tenia enjaulada, ni cuando me sacaria de ahy.
usaba unas ropas negras y algunos rojos tambien, me dijo que queria sanar el bosque con sus manos y que por eso vivia ahy. no le pude ver. me dejo sola otra vez.

2006-10-15T11:27:00.000-07:00

y entonces espere que la noche callera para poder bajar
y un poco de luz de luna que se atravesaba me ayudo poder mirar
cautelosa camine por mas de 4 horas
mientras escuchaba los auyidos y gemidos de animales.
bastante raro que no tenia tanto miedo, la verdad solo un poco.
camine y camine y llege a pasar por el umbral de un viejo arbol
y puf! se hizo de dia inmediatamente,
los animales se escondieron y dejaron de observarme mientras caminaba.
tambien note un sierto brillo en la piel como si me ubiera llovido de estrellas,
segui adelante sin saber donde ir pero siempre estando muy segura que todo
estaria bien.
segui mi camino hasta recostarme en treboles gigantes y pequenos.
me dormi profundamente y sone que era una super heroe con capa roja, que lo rescataba
cuando se undia en el mar, que me tiraba al agua fria y lo lograba sacar. lo llevaba dentro del bosque
y lo miraba despertar de lejos.

2006-10-13T22:21:00.000-07:00

carla dice:
"todo lo que uno pueda soniar es real y todo lo que es real es"
yo que se a que se refiere.
verla siempre dibujando cosas que te llevan a volar tan lejos como aquella que siempre le quedo grabada en la cabeza a ella donde sale una mujer del renacimiento brotando un castillo de su cerebro y que en relidad eran sus suenios y ella sigio pensando que cuando uno sale corriendo y no mira para atras si no despues de un rato de sentar cabeza.
ella sentia en su piel que no soniaba ella sabia que era real
-te lo dice por que al oler su pelo lo supo - sus manos - su voz - sus cosas..
olia a ser humano, si si me lo juro... real de carne y hueso.
a hombre de verdad. eso dice.
uno se deja llevar no? que se hace. se invita a cenar?
luego penso, medito, recordo, recordo otra vez. sintio olor y sabor a la vez.
no seas impaciente.le dije yo.
penso tanto como hacer para volverlo a ver. no supo que hacer.
sono su telefono y se levanto a contestar.
no volvimos a hablar.

En la copa de un arbol

2006-10-12T12:50:00.000-07:00

Me puse a caminar y luego me encontre perdida en el bosque,
no se que pensaba tanto que no me di cuenta que estaba entrando ahy donde nunca habia ido.
un lugar semi obscuro, muy fresco y tan silencioso que sentias que los arboles te comenzarian a hablar.
Luego decidi seguir caminando, segui entrando en el bosque y fui perdiendo el miedo
cada paso que di me dio mas seguridad de donde me encontraba.
me senti cansada y me sente en un tronco, mirando hacia arriba donde la luz apenas entraba, los arboles eran tan altos que me llege a mariar.
Me quede dormida profundamente tanto asi que creo que me desperte al otro dia pues seguia estando muy iluminado. Senti como si mil horas habian pasado.
decidi seguir caminando, buscar algo de beber y quizas comer, pues nunca me importo mucho comer la verdad.
Me canso, me siento, me duermo otra vez.
Siempre tanta luz al despertar, me vuelvo a levantar y pienso que si me extrañaras, aunque fuera un poco, tal vez pensaria en regresar.
Un arbol muy grande me invita a trepar, llego a la copa y me doy cuenta lo facil que fue acostumbrarme, el bosque no pregunto de donde venia o como me llamo, no me pidio nada a cambio ni espera nada de mi.
Aquel dia que vinistes a buscarme yo te vi desde lo alto, te dormistes y te veias desorientado, llorastes, y luego te fuistes devuelta a la ciudad. No te quise hablar.
ahora vivo aqui tranquila en la copa de un arbol y me gusta me siento libre.

2006-10-04T17:00:00.000-07:00

ME GUSTA VOLAR Y VOLAR Y VOLAR!!

2006-10-02T20:55:00.000-07:00

A veces quiero dejarlo todo y marcharme
hablar del pasado como si fueran historias del recuerdo.
colgar fotos con nostalgia y desempacar cajas por dias

volver a empezar de nuevo no tienen nada de malo
ya lo hice una vez
puede ser cuantas mas quiera.

se me hace agua la boca por el sabor de la infacia
recuedo olores y canciones. cosas que me decias
donde se quedan esos dias
a veces tengo miedo y nadie con quien hablar.

siento esa tristesa que no se va.

2006-09-24T16:34:00.000-07:00

This is what i am up to....

2006-09-23T09:03:00.000-07:00

something i haven't done in so long..
i hold a cigarrete in my hand while i drink coffe this morning, i haven't buy cigarrets in sooo long and i think i will start smoking a lot again makes me feel fine and bussy.
i when to the museum yesterday to meet with the millions of other artsit that are in the show, that was so fun. the huge place with all the white walls.
through the night everything started to make so much sence to me, so much people in the steets passing by while my make up fade in to the cocodrile tears i let go.
yesterday night my metrocard expired and everything expired with her.
my ride your ride.
i can't wait for penelope to come home.
i have plans for both of us.
i woke up and once again i feel like the day looks, a little gray but fresh, no more hung overs in my head.

2006-09-15T09:21:00.000-07:00

i have just deside that i'm going to give my life a big turn
and i'm doing it official here today.

2006-09-14T16:52:00.000-07:00

i woke up today sweating the bad dreams i'm having
what does it means all of this unconscious thinking while we sleep?
Why I keep dreaming about water ?
I can’t let go the summer
The days go to fast and I fell slow motion in my mind
My hands can go as fast but my mind stays calm, remember to much, thinking how to do that
Thinking and thinking
How to get there